I cannot believe that I spent an hour and a half watching a movie that was grounded on quick sand and the plot was murkier than what James Patterson could ever come up with. It was supposedly a comedy and horror movie, but it was neither one of these genre. I classify this as in the senseless genre.

The story is all too familiar. Five friends take off on a road trip to a cabin in the woods. The place they are visiting in fact an artificially controlled environment – literally. This includes the land, sunlight, air, stars, you name it, it’s artificially created by scientists over vast expanse of land.

These five friends are designated to die – as sacrifice to the antique gods. Each one represents a specific role that the gods prefer : whore, athlete, scholar, fool and a virgin. They are to die in a semi-specific order, and to set things in motion, the five are led to a cellar which consists of various artifacts. Any artifact they pick up and decipher will lead to their of sacrifice. They pick a family that has a history of killing through torture.

As the virgin reads out the verses in Latin  the buried corpses pull themselves out and attack the residents as per the order designated by the antique gods. In the end, the fool finds out that there is something amiss in this horror scene and finds a elevator that leads to an exhibition of all available monsters. Mind you, at this point in time, only the virgin and the fool are alive.

The elevator leads to the place where the scientists work out of. When the fool and the virgin are attempted to terminated, they get to the command center and release all the monsters into the laboratory. The monsters devour the scientists and the virgin and the fool are led to the underground sanctum sanctorum where they are met by the Director. The Director explains that they are supposed to die if the world has to survive. In the end, both survive while the Director dies. The world ends with the hand of god ramming the pictures.

Did I play spoiler by spilling all the beans? I don’t think so. There is nothing in this movie to be unearthed and I am helping all those who haven’t wasted their hours on this freaking movie. The verdict is not to watch it. I am surprised that Rotten Tomatoes has a favorable rating of 92 percent. I am certain that there is a good amount of rigging taking place to rate this movie that high.

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